Shattered Before it Could Start
by EmCarstairs
Summary: Sometimes bad things happen that are a wake-up call for a happy beginning. Sometimes the best you can do is accept that things will be better. (Part three of 'everything looks different now that I see you')


**A/N: **Trigger warning for first trimester miscarriage. Emma wasn't even sure that she was pregnant until it happened.

This is part 3 of my 'Everything is Different Now That I See You' series. You can read the first two, or you can read this as a stand-alone. This series is canon-compliant until about mid-November of S3.

* * *

"Mom, are you sure you don't need me to stay home with you?" Henry asked. He was standing by her in the kitchen with his backpack in place.

"I know that Mondays suck, but you have to go to school," Emma said pointedly to him. Her heart swelled at her son's worry. She added, "I need to get to work. Not even _I_ get to stay home today. I'm fine, kid."

He eyed her suspiciously. "Okay," he said, pausing at the door. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then shook his head and left without another word. Emma's lips tugged into a frown.

The weekend had been Emma's turn to have Henry stay over. After Henry had finished his homework on Friday, they spent the rest of the weekend watching movies and playing games, staying up as late as they could until they both collapsed in exhaustion. Early that morning Emma woke up feeling unwell, and Henry had picked up on it.

Glancing at the clock, she heaved a sigh and stood up to finish getting ready for work. She needed to be at the station in five minutes, but it was unlikely she would. Not that anything exciting would happen, anyways. She shouldn't be thinking that since she was the sheriff, she realized, but it was true: the town had been unsettlingly peaceful the last few months. She had a feeling that wouldn't last, so she was taking advantage of the contentedness.

Instead of hurrying to get to the station, Emma took her time getting ready. She tidied up the bathroom sink where Henry had left a mess after brushing his teeth and straightened up the table in the kitchen where he had moved things around. The final thing she did was to make his bed – at least, the one he inhabited when he stayed over. It was Mary Margaret's old bed, before she and David had moved into their new house.

A spasm in her abdomen caused her to grimace; this is what Henry had been worried about. She tried not to be too alarmed, since it could very well be that she would start her cycle soon, however she tried not to think of the other option.

She grabbed her red leather jacket from her closet, making her way out of the door. With any luck, these pains would dissipate before the end of her shift.

* * *

She should have known better. Of course the pain would get worse.

Emma was beginning to feel genuine panic. She had a feeling that she knew what this meant; however, she still found herself in denial. She'd been suspicious a few days before, but had tried not to jump to a conclusion. She'd also been too afraid to test her suspicion.

She grabbed a pad from her purse and her spare pair of jeans, quickly putting them on in the station's restroom. She shut her eyes, leaning her forehead against the door. It was time to go to the hospital. She was thankful that she was alone in the station today, however she could not afford to leave the place unmanned. She pulled out her cellphone, grimacing as she hit dial.

"_Hello?_" David's voice said on the other line.

"Hey, David. Um, I have a favor. I need to leave the station for a bit, would you keep an eye on it for me?" She held her breath.

"_Is everything alright, Emma?_" he asked. His concern combined with her anxiety made her want to cry.

She swallowed thickly and answered in a surprisingly steady voice, "Everything is okay. It's nothing to worry about." She was thankful that her father did not push to know more. They were alike in that way. She grabbed her purse and quickly walked to the yellow bug, grimacing as the pain intensified. The drive to Storybrooke's hospital was thankfully short. The hospital was fairly empty, so when she requested to be seen by an OB/GYN they took her back immediately.

When she explained that she thought she had a miscarriage, the doctor asked her a series of questions and took a blood test. They instructed her to lie on the hospital bed and to place her feet in the stirrups for a pelvic exam. Everything about being here made her skin crawl and memories resurfaced that she wished she could forget. She could feel her heart rate pick up, and she made herself focus on relaxing. Having Henry had been traumatic, and she hated that she felt this way. Did this mean, if for no other reason, she would never have another child because she feared the birth?

Her thoughts were distracted when the doctor confirmed that she had been pregnant and that the fetus had been lost.

She had been pregnant, and she wasn't anymore. There was nothing to be done. In spite of her previous panic, she felt oddly calm about the situation. She did feel uncomfortable that it happened to begin with – both the pregnancy and the miscarriage that followed.

The developing fetus could have had some kind of chromosomal issue and aborted, and since it was this early in the pregnancy, the result wouldn't be much different than her usual period. However, it was likely that it aborted from an infection, so Emma was given an antibiotic. She wasn't sure how she felt about everything.

She insisted that the hospital not contact anyone since this was nothing serious to her health and would only interrupt other peoples' lives. Mary Margaret was 28 weeks pregnant with twins and did not need the stress. Emma didn't want anyone to know, anyways. She wasn't ready for that. It was what she'd done for a good portion of her life, after all: running from her problems. The doctor placed her in a private room, despite her protestations that she was fine to go home. Her previous feelings of being deeply unsettled from being in the hospital returned full force now that she was by herself. Her last experience with pregnancy had ended up with her cuffed to a bed. She turned on the TV and reclined against the raised bed, mindlessly watching a sitcom that was on to keep her mind from focusing on her location.

* * *

She blinked awake, disoriented. She hadn't realized that she'd fallen asleep. The TV was muted, and someone was standing by the side of the bed. Once her eyes adjusted to the light and she saw whom it was, her jaw dropped.

"K-Killian," she sputtered. "What are you doing here? How did you know I was here?"

He quietly moved to her left side, squatting beside her to face her more at eye-level. Hurt, anger, and disappointment flashed in his eyes. "Whale called me. He told me that you needed me. He was hesitant to say why, but I found out in the end." The touch of menace at the end of his sentence did not escape her notice. She hoped that Whale wasn't unconscious somewhere. How had Whale found out, anyways? The OB/GYN must have notified him. What happened to patient confidentiality?

"Why didn't you want to tell me, love?" He asked bitterly.

Without warning, a sob choked out from deep within her, and it was like a dam broke: her vision blurred, and she could feel her chest hitching as she tried to gasp in oxygen. She could see Killian quickly shed his coat so that he could sit beside her; the mattress dipped as his added weight joined her, and he comfortingly wrapped an arm around her shoulder, bringing her towards him so that she could weep in his arms.

"It's alright love," he breathed against the top of her head. "Everything will be okay."

"I-I d-d-don't e-even know why-y I'm cryi-ing," she choked. "I-I didn't know I was p-pregnant, and I'm n-not ready to be." Despite her irrational hysterics, he still held her against him as if he was her lighthouse, as if she was a ship lost at sea that needed him to guide her home. Soon enough her cries quieted down, and Emma was able to talk coherently. He waited until she was ready, and she found his calm to be unbearable.

"We lost a baby," she said dully. "I've only just gotten the hang of being a mother to a pre-teen, how could I ever expect to be ready for an infant? I don't know why I'm so..."

"Sad?" he filled in for her.

She shook her head. "That's not it. I don't know why I'm so disappointed." She met his worried gaze, which softened as soon as it met hers.

"It's only natural," he said calmly. "It was a shock. You may not have realized it, but it doesn't change the fact that it was there to begin with. _Our_ _baby_." His own breathing hitched. She cupped a hand on his cheek in comfort. She didn't know if it was due to hormones or from the shock of the situation, but her walls were shattered. It seemed her walls were always down with the pirate.

"There is no way we were ready for this," she said in as firm a voice as possible. She ignored the small quiver that remained. "But...maybe...maybe we will be?" She felt relief sweep through her at the small smile that appeared on his face. He kissed her forehead.

"Aye. That we will," he said.

Perhaps this had been the wake-up call that Emma needed to realize what she wanted. She'd always told herself that she'd never be able to settle down, that she would never have kids, and that she'd live to survive the rest of her lonely life. Now she had the opportunity. Sure, bad things would likely happen to the town, but as Mary Margaret had once told her, things will always get in the way of life, but that shouldn't stop you from living. This was her chance at her happy beginning.

She rolled to face away from Hook, and he pulled her closer to his chest, wrapping his arm around her comfortingly and protectively. Why had she ever entertained the thought of not telling him? She was a fool. Of course she should have.

She shut her eyes and relaxed into his embrace, for once forgetting where she was. There was no hospital, there was no miscarriage, there was only Killian Jones holding her to him tightly, and a future together sprawled before them.

* * *

**A/N: **There you have it! This has been sitting in my documents folder since October, lol. I intended to have a story before this one to further the development of their relationship from part 2, but inspiration decided it didn't want to cooperate. The next part of the series, assuming my inspiration keeps me on track, will be after Snow has had her twins. Not sure when I'll get that up, but keep an eye out. :)


End file.
